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If you missed some, catch up here. Yes, you can definitely find a way forward! That said, with the right planning and intention setting, you may be able to reach some common ground. The first step is to have a kitchen — not bedroom — conversation about your concerns.
Do your best to avoid making accusations or finding fault in each other. This may help you both be more compassionate toward each other. Why do you want to be intimate? Is it because you want to feel closer to them? Do you want to relax and find that physical touch helps with this? Is this how you show your love?
When are you both more likely to have the most time, energy, and emotional bandwidth to give to the other? Some couples feel most excited and available during the weekend, while others prefer weeknights. Make a date for Saturday morning and add it to your calendars.
On Friday morning, begin to build anticipation for your date. You might say or text something like:. On Saturday morning, instead of jumping straight into your usual routine, set the scene. You might try:. Set your mind to building bodily awareness and learning about what feels pleasurable to you, and share what you discover with your partner. Begin to touch your partner wherever they consent to — anywhere but their genitals — and see how they respond to your touch.
They should receive your touch without touching you back. After about 15 minutes, switch roles. Allow your partner to touch you, and receive their touch without reciprocation. What felt good? What would you like to try again? Having this conversation is key to moving forward. This will allow you to practice communicating about your sexual desires in a neutral way.
You may find it helpful to stop here for the time being, or you both may be open to trying other forms of erotic touch. I typically recommend that a couple practice mindful touch on a few different occasions before introducing genital touch or penetrative sex.
You might consider moving on to dry humping or other forms of outercourse as your next step, and then reevaluate again from there. Consistency, intentionality, and planning are crucial components of this practice. Commit to engaging in mindful touch — wherever on the body this might be — with the same intentionally as on your first date. You might find it helpful to ask yourself :. It may also be helpful for your partner to do the same and for you to talk through your discoveries together. She completed her postdoctoral fellowship at the University of Minnesota, one of only a few programs in the world dedicated to sexuality training.
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This Guide Can Help. Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph. Talk It Out: Communication for Couples. Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph. How to Use a Vibrator Solo or with a Partner. Is Your Relationship Toxic?Bored of current relationship Hawaii sex chat
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